Today while chatting with a new friend at a social site I enjoy being at, she expressed frustration of feeling like an outsider. We discussed that many of us there have known each other for years and that in general each and everyone of the people have had positive impacts in my life. During this exchange I was struck by the strength of my connections and the gratitude I have for them, and I found myself sharing this feeling of gratitude with specific examples of what I was grateful for. My new friend seemed amazed...
I am AMAZED.
Thank you loves, thank you for caring, thank you for pushing me forward and leading me onward.
It wasn't always like this, a few years ago, I came across a sermon that has had reverberations in my life and helped me to this place. The following is a slightly edited version of it:
"The more that you seek things honorable, the more you seek growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you, the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the FRONT ROW of your life and who should be moved to the balcony.
Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention to; which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know and appreciate you and the gift that lies within your?
Life is like a theater-so invite your audience carefully. Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships, friendships, and fellowships! You cannot change the people around you…but you can change the people you are around! Use wisdom and discernment and choose wisely the people who sit in the front row of your life.
While you don't determine who walks into your life....YOU decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."
I am surrounded by amazing people, thank you for being in the front row in my life.
I love you
Wow. That was a really nice post to begin with!!! I find you to have such an amazing heart and mind, lots of integrity in tow.
ReplyDeleteSo I think you're going to be blessed in your life Kiera. The thing is that everyone feels like an outsider to varying degrees. Some people hide it and others try to make it beside the point. But I think the thing that gets people off that conversation is an ability to pull an maintain connections. I don't know your friend but I have met a great many people in my life and people who do not have friends, usually have a strong reason why beyond what is on the surface.
Attracting and nurturing friendships entails an ability to do, exactly that. Care, look out at others, not for what we want to receive but out of true interest in those people stand alone. People I believe feel the care, concern and connection and are drawn to it. Appreciate it.
But similar to that, instinctually we can all feel when we are a means for someone, the esteem booster or ego brush. That might be acceptable for a moment but it isn't for too long, b/c people want to be more, they want to be special.....not just a tool or prop for use. So, it is possible that your friend in the dynamic of friending others has a challenge which entails not possessing that ability. Doesn't make them a bad person, but it is an instinct not everyone embodies. Some are better receiving and start out that way....but not every person can be engaged via a call to give. What happpens when you have two takers in the room.
This might be simple version of what's there and may not apply at all. But I find when there is a problem that keeps showing itself, it is something about us that needs to be changed not the world. This is why I stopped dating for a while. So I can look at me, and shift whatever I was doing that was attracting the takers. And lemme tell you....there was alot there to see. I wish your friend, the best and I love you lady. :)